


My Beloved Alexander

by Fujinakaheero



Series: You are the Light in my World [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood's funeral, Angst, Day 24: Death, Death, Kind of a Happy Ending, M/M, Magnus Bane Appreciation Month, Malec, Mentions of reincarnation, Sad Magnus Bane, death is not descriptive, magnus month, malec flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-12 19:29:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12966741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujinakaheero/pseuds/Fujinakaheero
Summary: He knew one day it would come back, after all, it was an old friend now. They had met many times, in many forms. Every meeting left another scar, another memory, and yet this one was the worst meeting they’d had so far. Today their meeting was in the form of Alexander.Magnus finally has to face his immortality and the repercussions of it once more.Written for Magnus Appreciation Month Day 24: Death





	My Beloved Alexander

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is something a lot of us don't ever want to imagine or read or even see. I honestly cried while I was still writing this and yet I continued on.  
> Butttttt.... thi drabble has inspired a new fic that will be like a sequel for this.  
> Don't forget to follow me on tumblr for updates as well as just chatting or asking me any questions you have on any of my fics @Fujinakaheero. 
> 
> The ending is what made me favour this drabble out of all of them. I hope you guys enjoy!

He knew one day it would come back, after all, it was an old friend now. They had met many times, in many forms. Every meeting left another scar, another memory, and yet this one was the worst meeting they’d had so far. Today their meeting was in the form of Alexander. His sweet, adoring, beautiful Alexander, whom he was laying to rest today. Isabelle, with Simon by her side, stood next to him, holding his hand in support, reminding him he was not alone. But he had just lost the other half of his soul two days ago and the loneliness of it all was already consuming him.

Alec had died in combat, he had been out on a mission, doing a run of the mill sweep. It wasn’t supposed to be anything intense or too dangerous, another routine mission. Yet they hadn’t counted on the ambush, at least not with the people that had surrounded them. Circle members that had slipped through the cracks. Four of them had gotten the jump on the raven haired man and Alec hadn’t been quick enough to escape the first blow.

He had only been forty, older than many shadowhunters lived, yet not long enough for Magnus. His time with the wonderful man had been cut unbearably short and he had longed for his caress just once more.

And so Magnus stood here, next to the white sheeted form of his belated husband, one hand in Isabelle’s and another holding their youngest son’s hand. Max, Madzie, and Rafael were all with him but he couldn’t help the feeling that it still wasn’t enough. His heart was broken, shattered beyond repair, the pieces laying to rest with the still body of Alec.

The ceremony had already begun yet his mind was dazed, unfocused. It didn't feel real at all and instead more like a cruel joke the universe was playing on him. He briefly realized that the tears that he’d been shedding for the last two days, the ones he had so hard tried to keep at bay, had started up again. Falling silently down the golden skin of his cheeks. He didn’t bother to wipe them away, he wore them proudly, a silent ode to the eternal love he would have for his other half.  Memories filled his mind of their times together. Their first date would always be one he held dear.

_“Lydia never complained.” Magnus was leading them away from the pool tables, schooling Alec in the game that was “so much like archery,” to the jukebox as he continued to tease the taller man. It was odd that he was bringing up Lydia when Magnus mentioned his exes._

_“I thought you knew Lydia for a millisecond before your arranged marriage…” he felt the realization slowly dawning on him. “ Wait, Lydia, is she your only ex? Alexander, just so I’m clear.. have you ever been in a relationship?” Alec glanced at him, eyes meeting and then hazel broke away first, insecurity and embarrassment clear in the hazel depths. Magnus turned away._

_“I just haven’t had- um- time for a real relationship.” Magnus felt the shock, understanding settling in that what Alec wasn’t saying was that his only relationship had been with a woman he wasn’t even interested in and was going to marry purely out of obligation to his family. The young shadowhunter picked up the martini glass in front of him and took a nervous gulp._

_“This is um-“ he scrunched up his face and gave his head a shake before continuing, “-good.” Alec was nervous and trying to break the tension his words had. Magnus could see how nervous the confession made the young man and he felt the himself mirroring the feeling._

_Alec looked down, hands circling around the bottom of the martini glass, eyes not daring to look up._

_“You’re weirded out.” The low voice met his Magnus’ ears._

_“Who says I’m weirded out?” His reply was quick as he finished his drink. He found himself also looking down at his now empty glass, trying desperately to make this not awkward for them anymore. He heard the body next to him, now on the stools at the bar, shuffle._

_“You wanna know why I haven’t been in a relationship? Because of this.” He gestured between the two of them. “ ‘Cause I didn’t wanna feel like there was something wrong with me, b-because I grew up in the Institute, because I always knew I couldn’t have what I wanted... until you came along.” And when Magnus looked up, he was met with intensely bright eyes that stared at him in earnest, baring his soul so freely to the older man. That was the moment he knew he was falling helplessly for Alexander Gideon Lightwood._

 

The feeling of falling in love was one he would remember the most fondly. Falling in love with Alec was not like falling in love with anyone else he had ever known, it had happened swiftly, overcoming him before he even knew what was happening; it had been easy to love Alexander. There would never be anyone like Alec in his life again, never another soul who he’d be able to love like he had loved him.

He remembered a conversation they had had years ago. It had been around when Max had entered their lives. They had been laying down, curled up together in bed, Alec curled into his side as he rested his head on the firm chest of the warlock. Chocolate locks falling against his chest as they enjoyed the sounds of their steady breathing in the night filled room. Alec had broken the silence that night.

 

_“Magnus, can you promise me something?” Deep voice spoke lowly in the darkness of their room._

_“Depends, what are you asking for?” He tried to maintain the peaceful silence, keeping his voice low._

_“When I die, promise me you’ll move on. You’ll have Max. Make sure you’re there for him.” Magnus felt his body go rigid. They usually avoided talking about when Alec would leave him, the thought and certain future was too painful to think about. He couldn’t imagine a world without the man that lay next to him, it wasn’t possible._

_“W-what brought that up?” He didn’t like that the raven was even thinking about that._

_“With Max being with us now, I just want to make sure he’ll have you when I’m gone. We can’t keep pretending it’s not going to happen, or avoid it. I want to know I’m leaving you both behind in good hands, with each other.” His words broke his heart because it was true. Max had become Alec’s number one priority the day they meet the infant, his father instincts kicking in almost instantly, so it would make sense that he was thinking of the little boy’s future._

_“I will always be there for him. I promise.” The tears threatened to spill as they burned his eyes, viciously reminding him of the young man’s mortality._

_“Thank you Magnus.” He felt wetness against the skin of his chest and he wondered if Alec was as pained thinking about it as he was._

_“He’ll always be my number one priority.” The promise wasn’t a lie, he would keep it no matter how painful it would be to continue on alone._

_“Promise me you’ll find love again.” And he heard the small sob escape the raven and finally his own tears fell. This was not a chat he wanted to have._

_“ I’ll wait for you to come back to me.” Because Magnus believed that one day they would find one another again, though he hadn’t seen it, he still believed that one day he’d find Alec again, in another life.  He ran deft fingers through the soft brunette locks, trying to soothe the pain the both of them felt._

_“I promise I’ll find you Magnus.” And soon lips were crushing together, frantic in the need to remind the other that they were still there, that they had another day together._

“Families of the deceased will now speak their names.” He looked up, cheeks wet with the salty trails left from the tears, realizing he was still here where downworlders and shadowers alike gathered to send off Alec and another young hunter who had been with him during the mission. The young girl’s father spoke her name and everyone followed with the customary “Pulvis et umbra sumus.” And finally, the moment he had dreaded the most was here. He closed his golden cat eyes, not having the strength to keep up the glamor, trying to gain the strength to open his mouth and say that sweet name. The tears came full force once more.

“A-Alexander G-G-Gideon Lightwood-B-Bane.” The name tumbled from his lips in a quiet sob, the pain crashing all around him, engulfing him. Max wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close. Mazdie on his other side immediately, wrapping her own around him as well. Rafael’s own arms circled them, holding the family together as their tears fell.

“Pulvis et umbra sumus.” Was chanted back at him. The rest of the ceremony went by without a notice from the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

* * *

 

Magnus walked the streets of New York once more, having just come back with Max and Madzie nearly a year ago. They had left almost a hundred and fifty years back, needing a change in scenery. They had traveled everywhere, meeting new people along the way and reuniting with old faces that the old warlock hadn’t seen in centuries. Max, Madzie, and him had split up for a bit, his boy needing some space to stretch his wings a little while Madzie went on a search to find some of her long forgotten family. They had arranged to meet back here, in their old home to settle down once more. Magnus took up his old position as High Warlock of Brooklyn while Max began doing odd jobs for people looking for a warlock. Madzie came and went, sticking around for a bit to make sure her papa was still doing well and helping out when she could.

Time had passed, wounds had healed yet Magnus had found himself alone, never taking on another lover, no one had swept him off his feet like Alec had and he kept holding out that perhaps one day he would be reunited with the soul he longed for. It had been just as terrible and heart wrenching when Rafael died, outliving his father but still too young. The trio had left after that, unable to handle the memories for the time being.

So he continued his routine, he took on clients once more, doing their ridiculous bidding for summoning’s or banishing’s. It was familiar and came naturally to him. His club still was as busy as ever but he took a back seat in all of it now. Since he had left, he had put it in the capable hands of Dot. Now that they were back he figured he would see if Max would like to check out the family business so to speak since he planned to stick around for a while with Magnus.

He pulled his collar tighter around his neck as he strolled through the crowded sidewalk, going to his usual coffee spot that he went to every morning. The morning air was chilly and he wanted nothing more than to burrow deeper into the warmth of his coat, even if it meant his eyes were drawn down instead of up. He didn't bother to glamor himself as he weaved through the crowds of people bustling about, rushing to get where they needed to. He glanced down at his feet for just a second as they continued their casual pace when a hard body hit the side of his. He looked up immediately, ready to apologize when he was met with the most radiant of greenish brown orbs, the sun shining through them as they stared at him briefly.  He glanced up to see a mess of dark chocolate locks that stuck up in the wind. Alabaster skin pulled tight over high cheek bones and dark brows drawn together as a deep voice passed full pale lips.

“S-sorry.” It was hushed and before Magnus could even register what was going on the body moved around him, walking away. His feet were glued to the spot. The sound of his blood rushing through his veins was loud in his ears, his breathing picked up. Had he been daydreaming?

Behind him the tall, broad man stopped in his tracks. Eyes frantically searching back and forth, trying to find answers to questions he didn’t understand. He turned back around slowly, hoping the man he bumped into was still within view. When he saw the silhouette of the tall, bronze skin, black and pink haired man, a feeling of familiarity filled him, recognition shining in the frantic hazel orbs.

 


End file.
